


more incorrect quotes because yes

by Whyyyyy



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:20:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27551422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whyyyyy/pseuds/Whyyyyy
Relationships: Cady Heron & Damian Hubbard & Janis Sarkisian, Cady Heron/Aaron Samuels, Cady Heron/Janis Sarkisian, Damian Hubbard & Janis Sarkisian, Regina George & Janis Sarkisian, Regina George/Janis Sarkisian
Kudos: 30





	1. Chapter 1

Cady: Do you believe in God, Janis?

Janis: I believe in Hell, and I'm in it.

(source: New Girl)

Janis: I'm playing a new drinking game. It's called Everytime I'm Depressed I Take a Drink.

Damian: That game exists. It's called alcoholism.

(source: Modern Family)

Regina: You consider me to be a sexy woman, correct?

Cady: I don't know how to answer that question

(source: New Girl)

Janis: My car's worth less than your pants.

Regina: Well, I've seen your car and that makes sense to me.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Aaron: I'm not skinny. I'm jacked.

Regina: For now, until you morph into your big fat dad.

Aaron: Shut up. My dad's hot.

(source: Never Have I Ever)

Regina: I'm not about enjoyment. I'm about winning.

(source: The Politician)

Regina: Can we just take a moment to appreciate me?

(source: New Girl)

Janis: The idea of me life coaching a human being should scare you. A lot.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Cady: Shut your soup hole!

(source: New Girl)

Janis: You put egg on my house, I kill what you love!

(source: Modern Family)

Janis (to Damian): I left a funeral to be by your side when Nick Jonas married someone who wasn't you.

(source: Never Have I Ever)

Janis in the group chat: Where are you guys? This place is fancy and I don't know which fork to kill myself with.

(source: New Girl)

Gretchen: If you love something, set it free. Unless it's a tiger.

(source: Modern Family)

Janis: Did I enjoy it? No. Do I regret it? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably.

(source: New Girl)

Regina: I was wondering if we could have a little chat.

Karen: Oh, you want me to go home?

Regina: No, it's the opposite of that.

Karen:

Karen: I want you to go home?

(source: Modern Family)

Janis: Oh God, I'd kill for a good coma right now

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Cady: What's the difference between a gamete and a zygote?

Damian: Don't fall for it, Jan, she's just making up words.

(source: Modern Family)

Janis: You're my Mariah Carey

Damian: Okay, that compliment could bring me to tears, but I'm not gonna let it.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Cady: What if he realizes he was wrong about me the entire time? He's just gonna run away.

Janis: I would never run away from you.

Janis: But if I did, I would run way faster than Aaron

Cady:

Janis: Because he's slow, and I'm fast.

Cady: That's not even kind of true but okay.

(source: New Girl - edited)

Damian, after Cady and Janis's fight: I have never heard someone say so many wrong things, one after the other, consecutively

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Damian: These feelings would go good with pie

(source: Modern Family)

Regina: To conclude: you're ugly, I have money

(source: New Girl)

Janis (to Regina): It's understanding that makes it possible for people like us to tolerate people like you.

(source: Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Regina: I'm trying very hard not to connect with people right now.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Janis: Please just drive straighter!

Damian: Sorry, are my pinkies up again?

(source: Modern Family)

Gretchen: There is some good news. There's some cake left!

(source: The Good Place)

Cady (after lying to Regina about the Kalteen bars): Incredible! One of the worst performances of my career and she never doubted it for a second!

(source: Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Regina: I was a good person for like six months. That's like five years!

(source: The Good Place)

Regina: I could not be more at one with nature. I do Coachella every year.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Cady: Mahatma Gandhi went on a hunger strike for what he believed in.

Regina: That's because no one would eat with him in the cafeteria.

(source: Modern Family)

Janis (to Cady, about North Shore): I can show you around. I can show you our world. Way up here, it's crystal clear.

Damian: Jan, you're doing Aladdin.

Janis: Again?

(source: New Girl)

Janis (about Regina): The sport’os, the motor-heads, geeks, sluts, bloods, waste’oids, dweebies, dickheads – they all adore her.

(source: Ferris Bueller's Day Off)

Regina: I would say I outdid myself, but I'm always this good. So I simply... did myself.

(source: The Good Place)

Regina: Has anyone ever told you what a drag you are?

Gretchen: Everyone. Constantly.

(source: The Good Place)

Cady: Stop looking like a disgruntled pelican!

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Janis: I feel like I wanna murder someone, and also I want soft pretzels.

(source: New Girl)

Karen: I'm like a mailman, but instead of mail, it's hot sex I deliver.

(source: New Girl)

Regina: I don't skate through life. I walk through life in really nice shoes.

(source: Schitt's Creek)

Janis: I've done things. I wrote half a book about zombies.

(source: New Girl)

Gretchen: Will you be okay after I leave?

Regina: This will not affect me in any way.

(source: The Good Place)

Damian: We are literally the most embarrassing people on the planet.

(source: New Girl)

Regina: I need everyone to shut up.

(source: New Girl)

Aaron: People love frozen yogurt, I don't know what to tell you.

(source: The Good Place)

Regina: My first rule would be that no one can veto my rules.

Aaron: Well that's called tyranny, and it's generally frowned upon.

(source: The Good Place)

Gretchen: If I had a dollar for everyone I couldn't hang out with because they hated Regina, I'd be rich.

(also works with Cady about Janis)

(source: New Girl)  
  
  


Janis (about Cady): She’s just so hot

Damian: She has a boyfriend

Janis, suspiciously: People die. All the time.

(source: idk I saw it on tumblr)

No one:

Janis’s crush on Cady: Help! Help! I’m being repressed!

(source: Monty Python)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hi these are all from brooklyn 99 bc i fucking love that show

Regina: I don’t ask people out. I just tell them where we’re going.

Janis (to Regina after being outed): No hard feelings, but I hate you. Not joking. Bye.

Aaron: the only worthwhile thing I’ve done today is take a buzzfeed quiz about what kind of onion I am.

Regina: The only thing I’m not good at is modesty... because I’m great at it.

Cady: when was the last time you ate a carrot?

Damian: well, it’s my least favorite type of cake, so rarely.

Regina, to Gretchen: every time you talk I hear that sound that plays when Pac-man dies.

Cady: how was I supposed to know that there would be consequences for my actions???

Janis: being gay isn’t a choice.

Janis: it’s a game and I’m winning.

  
Janis: okay, let’s just agree to say “I’m sorry” on the count of three

Regina:

Janis: one, two, three!

Janis:

Regina:

Janis: see now I’m just disappointed in both of us.

Cady: okay, but what’s her body like on a scale from Janis to Regina?

Janis: sorry, buddy

Regina: what? I’m the ten.

Janis: sure you are

Damian (to Cady and Janis): hey guys, I just discovered a new drug!

Cady:

Janis:

Damian: it’s called your relationship, and I’m high on it.

Regina: I was born for politics. I have great hair, and I love lying!

  
Cady: I hate Regina so much!

Janis: me too. But she is kind of hot.

Cady:

Damian:

Janis: what? You can hate people and still think they’re hot.

Janis: oh, I’m so relieved you guys found me. Wait, how did you find me?

Damian: you hadn’t done something super annoying to us in like five hours, so we knew something was up.

Janis: that’s super insulting, but dead on.

Damian: okay, hand me your hair dryer

Cady: what?

Damian: don’t you carry one in your purse?

Cady: have you ever met a human woman?

Damian *calls Regina*: do you carry a hair dryer in your purse?

Regina: of course, I’m not an animal

  
Gretchen: oh, did something awkward happen? I can probably relate

Regina: hi, Regina George. The human form of the 100 emoji.

Janis (after I’d Rather be Me): if I had a mic right now, I’d drop it

Damian: you never know when you’re gonna meet your dream person. Anyone on the street could be “they”.

Cady: it feels like you googled “how to talk to your bisexual friends”.

Regina, after getting hit by a bus: they said all my bleeding’s internal.

Regina: that’s where the blood is supposed to be!!!

Cady: everything in my life is a hot mess right now.

Janis, during I'd Rather be Me: you can’t let other people’s opinions get in the way of what you want. Especially because other people suck.

  
Regina, about Aaron: talking to a woman should blow his mind.

Regina: and talking to this woman could kill him.

  
  
Janis: I am WAY too sleep-deprived to deal with your negativity right now

  
Regina, about Gretchen: I’m sorry, can you make her stop doing that weird thing with her face?

Cady: ...crying?

Damian: wow, you’re an evil genius. The next time I want to hurt someone, I’m coming straight to you.

Janis: awww! That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me!

  
Cady: *apologizes to Janis with a long speech/song in front of the entire school*  
  
Janis: so that’s what an eternity feels like.

  
  


Regina: it’s very embarrassing having feelings.

Cady on her first day at North Shore: Anyway, I’m gonna go cry in the bathroom.

Cady: it’s not my fault you’re like in love with me or something!

Janis:

Damian: oopsie, you just said something super dumb!

OR:

Damian: why’d you do that? Oh, let me guess, dumb mistake

Regina, after finding out about the Kalteen bars: you just ruined my life! I hope you get hit by a truck and a dog takes a dump on your face!

Regina: *gets hit by a bus* why doesn’t my life always work out perfectly?

  
Cady: look, if you can’t accept me for who I am, then I don’t need this friendship.

Regina: okay, great!

Cady: nononono I need to be included so badly I’ll do whatever you say I literally have zero pride

Karen: I've decided to stop fighting it and lean into the fact that I’m an idiot

Cady: seriously I have no idea what to do!!!

Cady: oh wait! Yahoo answers!

Cady: I should have listened to you.

Janis: yeah, everyone should listen to me all the time about everything.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mean girls is fucking CLOSING on broadway so i'm adding another batch of incorrect quotes to this in protest
> 
> these are all from 30 rock bc tina fey appreciation

Cady: What made you think I was gay?

Damian: your shoes.

Cady: well, I'm straight.

Janis: those shoes are definitely bi-curious.

Janis: Cady, what happened in your childhood to make you think that people are good?

Gretchen (about Regina): She's an angel that fell from heaven.

Janis: So was Lucifer.

Cady (about Regina): Let's give her a piece of our minds-

Janis: Let's stab her!!

Someone: what's wrong with you?

Gretchen: Almost everything.

Janis: my incompetence knows no bounds

Regina: we all have ways of coping.

Regina: I use sex and awesomeness.

Janis during where do you belong: everyone around here is human garbage.

Regina: Do you know how many mirrors I've smashed just thinking it was a blonde woman mocking me?

Karen: I thought this was going to be your year.

Gretchen: I couldn't even hold it together for one week.

Janis: what a week, huh?

Damian: Jan, it's Wednesday

Cady: Listen, I don't want to swear.

Cady: but I am irritated right now.

Cady: What's your religion, Damian?

Damian: I pretty much just do whatever Oprah tells me to.

Regina: Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

Regina: Human empathy. It's as useless as the Winter Olympics.

Janis (after Cady's party): I'm gonna go talk to some food about this.

Regina: Goodbye forever you factory reject dildos

Janis: My biggest problem with Quidditch...

Janis: if the snitch is worth 150 points why does anyone bother with the quaffle???

Cady:

Damian: Janis it is one in the fucking morning

(edited)

Karen (to a pigeon): stop eating people's old french fries, pidgeon!!! have some self respect!!! don't you know you can fly???

Cady: Pleasure to have met you.

Regina: Damn straight. I'm delightful.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this batch is all from sherlock bbc bc lol

Regina: Punch me in the face.

Janis: Punch you?

Regina: Yes, punch me in the face, didn't you hear me?

Janis: I always hear "punch me in the face" when you're talking, but it's usually subtext.

Janis: Regina, face the other way. You're putting me off.

Regina: What, my face is?

Janis: Yes.

Janis: Regina, don't talk out loud. You lower the IQ of the whole street.

Regina: Shut up.

Gretchen: I didn't say anything.

Regina: You were thinking. It's annoying.

Cady (when Regina talks to her for the first time): You're...

Regina: Yes.

Cady: Oh my God.

Regina: Not quite.

Damian: Are we here to see the Queen?

*Regina walks in*

Janis: Yes, I believe we are.

Cady (after being introduced to Regina): I met a friend of yours.

Janis: A friend?

Cady: An enemy.

Janis: Oh. Which one?

Janis: I got into a fight with the checkout machine at the store.

Damian: You got into a fight with a machine?

Janis: Sort of. It sat there and I shouted abuse at it.

**Author's Note:**

> as you can see i had far too much time on my hands


End file.
